One of the things that I have been reflecting on this week, is the importance that just one small thing done for us, can have when we are feeling down. It might be one comment that we receive, one offer of support, a meal prepared or an impromptu invite received. I know I have talked about acts of kindness here before, but somehow what I am meaning here is more than just an act of kindness. It might be something that is so important to one person, but which we have no idea about at the time when we do it. Still, it reaches out to that other, and perhaps has them feeling included, releases them from the burden of worry, gives them some ideas about how to move forward or helps them feel seen.
So what do I mean by this? As you know, I've had some renovations done to my house recently.
Read moreAfter 30 years as a counsellor, I sometimes feel like I've heard it all. This is, of course, until a new person walks through my door with the stories that make them unique, and almost immediately I am hooked. As I listen to those stories, and while I take notice of what it is that they want to work on, I usually find myself feeling incredibly privileged that they have chosen to share their vulnerability with me. One such person is a middle-aged man, who has three young children. In his early forties, he works as a health professional assisting young people during the day, and in his free time follows hobbies which many of us enjoy.
Read moreSo, picture this! I was sitting over a glass of wine with a friend a couple of weeks ago. We were both lamenting the fact that she hasn't yet fallen pregnant, something which she and her husband have been wanting to do for some years now.
"The thing is Lou!" she said, with the usual straight-forward approach, which always makes me grin. "To fall pregnant, you have to have sex!"
"Hmm," I said in agreement. "Damn! I take it you and Jack are not?"
"No!" she said, sounding at once sad and disappointed. "No, we're not! I'd be lucky if it happened every few months, and even then I feel like it's a duty for him!"
Well as a woman many years her senior, I found myself wanting to give her a huge hug.
Read moreRecently, I have been reflecting on the grief which often goes unacknowledged in our community. I have been reminded in my counselling room of the way in which difficult emotions like anger, frustration, sadness and despair can be hard to express, often leaving us feeling unheard by those around us, and overwhelmed. At these times it can also become very difficult to work out which is the step that we need to take next to get ourselves back on track.
Read moreOne of the things you will know about me if you have been reading these posts for any length of time, is that I like to shine a light on the losses that we experience as crippling, but which people around us don't seem to recognise as important. Well this week I have been reminded that one of these losses involves the very real anguish that people can experience, when they lose a friend.
Read moreOne of the things that I have been reflecting on lately, is the amount of loneliness evident in our community. As I have said in this space before, it is almost certainly true that the loneliest people are currently young. It is also true that older people are at great risk of experiencing loneliness, and that it's a feeling which can hit us all from time to time.
Read moreRecently, I sat having breakfast with a friend. She was telling me about someone in her life, and how she is struggling to rebuild a relationship which as outsiders looking in, sounds to us like it has run it's course.
"She tells me that she would rather work on it, because she can't cope with so much time alone Louise!" my friend told me, "But I tell her it's all about how she looks at it.
Read moreOne of the things that I have been reminded of recently, is the grief and anxiety that we can sometimes feel when things happen in our communities, even when we ourselves are no more involved than as observers. I've talked about it before here I know — but I think it worth revisiting because it can be quite isolating when we are going through these feelings, and because at the moment things are happening which for me at least, feel very close to home.
Read moreOne of the things that I have been reflecting on this week is how we cope, or sometimes don't cope, with misunderstandings.
Read moreSomething that I have talked about in this space before I know, is our tendency to be what I call shouldistic, when we feel the need to change something in ourselves or our lives. We'll be experiencing some sort of discontent within ourselves and then come up with all kinds of expectations about how we should be able to change that feeling or situation, or what timeframe it should take for that change to happen.
Read moreSomething I have been reflecting on recently, is the part that shame can play in our lives, and the way that we can feel like it dictates our actions. To demonstrate what I mean by this, I want to give you two examples.
Read moreRecently, I talked about the impact that shame can have on us at different times. Well, I feel like I had to come back to this subject tonight, to say that you can never really look closely at the emotion of shame without it's twin showing up, which is of course guilt.
Read moreSo, picture this! It was Thursday night, and I had a phone appointment in 29 minutes! The bus was due in three. As it takes approximately 22 minutes to get home at this time of night? Look, to say that I was cutting it fine, is a slight understatement
Read moreOne of the things I have been reflecting on this week, is how difficult it can be for us to grieve the loss of someone in our lives, when we don't have the death story, and/or we haven't been a part of the usual grieving rituals, like funerals.
Read moreRecently, I have been talking about various aspects of grief; how we need the death story to make sense of loss, how we are often in mourning for people and things which those around us may not recognise as important. This week, I have been reflecting on the part that grief plays, in resilience.
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