One of the things that I have been reflecting on this week, is the importance that just one small thing done for us, can have when we are feeling down. It might be one comment that we receive, one offer of support, a meal prepared or an impromptu invite received. I know I have talked about acts of kindness here before, but somehow what I am meaning here is more than just an act of kindness. It might be something that is so important to one person, but which we have no idea about at the time when we do it. Still, it reaches out to that other, and perhaps has them feeling included, releases them from the burden of worry, gives them some ideas about how to move forward or helps them feel seen.
So what do I mean by this? Well here's a couple of examples. As you know, I've had some renovations done to my house recently. Last year the bathrooms were renovated, and this year it was the kitchen. Now the kitchen people were great, but the bathroom people? Let's just say that they left a bit to be desired. Having people come out to quote for the repair jobs, was a nightmare. It could cost thousands was the implication, but no one seemed quite sure, or was prepared to commit to a figure. Well this week, I met a fantabulous handyman through a friend, who looked at the situation, was able to isolate the problem and could tell me that it would be more likely a couple of hundred that I would be paying for a fix, and then set to work. Whereas I haven't been able to use my bath because I couldn't get the plug to release the water, he did something to self-same plug, and now it works like a dream. I felt the tension leave my body; it was one less thing for me to worry about.
It might be the words of one beautiful friend who checks in and says "can we come over to see you one night during the week when you're not busy?" I have noticed if she has not, that she's the one who works long hours now, not me, and still she wants to come. It might be another beautiful friend who knows that in a few weeks I will have a ten hour day at Peter Mac, but still sets the time aside to come in and sit with me in her calendar, and so stops me worrying about the logistics of getting there on that day. It might be the text from a much-loved family member who says "Just checking in on you, love you!"
Well this weekend, I have been lucky enough to attend the Mental Health Super Summit on Suicide Prevention, which is an annual event run by the Mental Health Academy that I have talked about here before. At this event, people present their latest research findings and speak from allover the world. As I've listened to some of the lectures live, I've thought about what has been said, in the light of these seemingly small things, which can help to get us back on track. Although most every speaker acknowledges the huge efforts made by family and friends when someone is experiencing suicidal thoughts and ideation, they also acknowledge the immense pain that people go through as they contemplate dying by suicide. Research points to the fact that men who have gone through relationship breakdown in the last year, are particularly vulnerable. They talk about how in some circumstances, young people are shut down when they reach for help, because their parents may be fearful about what to do or how to cope. While their fear is understandable, this can leave the young person feeling alone and like they have nowhere else to go but to friends of their own age, who may be floundering in the same way as they are.
Having experienced those feelings of relief in the seemingly trivial examples from my own life this week, I can only speculate on whether a couple of things going right, might help in some small way to bring that person who is thinking about suicide back from the edge. I think it's a great reminder to us all to learn what we can about these topics which are so hard for us to talk about, so that we have some idea of what to do, or how to help. It might help us to know for example, that asking the question directly, confronting the fear that you have for that person, is often a relief to them, and can help them feel seen.
So, I urge you to look for the small things in your life that have happened recently, and to think about what a difference they made to your day or to your week. If we can isolate them in our own lives, picking out the positive rather than just the negative, then we can also be more open to seeing what impact our actions have on other people. Have a great week everyone! Take care of yourselves and of each other, stay safe out there and as always, remember to stay connected!